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Jokes about Shop

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said "Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!" The dog said "Oh please don't be like that, I'm trained and I won't cause any trouble!" The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and it's owner. After a while the owner went to the toilet and the barman saw his chance for a prank. He said to the dog "Would you do me a favor as a wind up, will you go down to my friends bakers shop and order a loaf of bread??" "Sure!" Replied the dog. The bar man gave the dog a fiver and the dog left. When the owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw his dog had gone. The barman said "It's ok he's gone down to the bakery for me" The owner was livid "It IS NOT OK he's never been out on his own, anything could happen to him he could get run over. The owner spent the next hour searching for his dog, walking the str eets frantically. As he was walking he heard strange noises coming from an ally way, he went down and there was his dog having it's wicked way with a lady poodle. "ROVER!" Shouted the owner "You've had me worried sick, what's the matter with you you've never dissapeared like this before!" The dog replied "I've never had a fiver before!"

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Quotes about Internet

I sense an insatiable demand for connectivity. Maybe all these people have discovered important uses for the Internet. Perhaps some of them feel hungry for a community that our real neighborhoods don't deliver. At least a few must wonder what the big deal Clifford Stoll

It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest hopes and fears of those who use it. After all, it was designed to withstand nuclear war, not just the puny huffs and puffs of politici Denise Caruso

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. Penn Jillette