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Jokes about News

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live." The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are eve rywhere."

Quotes about Transport

He that can heroically endure adversity will bear prosperity with equal greatness of the soul; for the mind that cannot be dejected by the former is not likely to be transported without the latter. Henry Fielding

Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousand of miles and all the years you have lived. Helen Keller

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. web design nyc