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Jokes about Furniture

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. - No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did. - Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Q: What did a blind boy's parent's do to punish him? A: Rearranged the furniture

Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00." "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?", Ralph asked surprised. The Manager replies, "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

Quotes about Free

A bird that you set free may be caught again, but a word that escapes your lips will not return. Jewish Proverb

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. Carl Reiner

A man is morally free when, in full possession of his living humanity, he judges the world, and judges other men, with uncompromising sincerity. George Santayana

Names of the day

AMBROSE - Immortal Origin: Greek

AMBROSINE - Immortal Origin: Greek

AMELIA - Hardworking Origin: Latin

Funny fact of the day

An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.

Another name for a Microsoft Windows tutorial is 'Crash Course'!

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.