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The best jokes

Jokes about Film

Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It's not because of the film's content, it's because the people in the film are eating better than the people on board.

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"

What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema? Miss most of the film!

Quotes about Health

...happiness gives us the energy which is the basis of health. Henri-Frdric Amiel

[Sleep is] the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. Thomas Dekker

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. John Updike

Names of the day

ANALISE - From Anna and Elise Origin: German

ANALU - Manly Origin: Hawaiian

ANANA - Soft, Gentle Origin: African